Pills I Took

What an interesting summer!

Let's see....I was depressed.......

.......then i was depressed some more.

then i was depressed again........

Some of you may already know that I've struggled with depression for most of my life.  It's not fun, and it's definately not "all in your head" as some people like to write it off.  It's frustrating both for the person suffering with it and for the loved ones of the person suffering with it.  I made the difficult decision about a month ago to finally get the help i need.real help.I dont mean just going to your primary care physician and saying, "im feeling down."......to which most respond, "Here's a prescription for Lexapro." then send you on your way.  It took many years and many episodes before i finally said thats enough.since then Ive come to realize that things dont have to affect me negatively if i dont want them to. Ive learned to live in the present and not to worry about shit i have no control over. Ive learned to let go of the feelings that burdened me, and the situations that were no good for me.  It was almost like getting a second chance at life....I realized that by holding onto all that shit and mess I was only harming myself further. I wasnt really living.  Im writing this blog not to air my "dirty laundry" but to let you all know that if you suffer from this wretched ass disorder or you know someone who does, HELP THEM.or HELP YOURSELF.  There's no shame in having this problem.  It doesnt mean youre high strung, or dramatic, or emo, or crazy. Its a legit chemical imbalance in the brain.You wouldnt skip going to the doctor if you had asthma or diabetes. idk how many people this will reach who will actually take something from it......idk whether itll be helpful or useless info to anyone out there.....idk if anyone will even read this........but if anything in this blog applies to you or a friend or a relative please dont hesitate to seek help.  Life is out there.    :)

"Yeah I'll have a Fish Sandwich......"

                                        "No father, I've never heard of a Cleveland Steamer..."
                                     
oh hai!


     So it's Lent.  For those of you who are not Catholic now nor have ever been Catholic......it's the period before Easter,,,leading up to Good Friday (the day Jesus was crucified) where you should give up a vice. Anyway, being that i probably was never a good Catholic i NEVER saw the point in this.  I don't consider myself Catholic anymore for reasons that i dont have time to go into right now....thats a whole other blog........but even when i was being raised in that religion it never made sense to me.  I mean i get that its supposed to emulate/commemorate jesus when he was tempted in the desert.....but seriously how does that make you a better catholic? Does that bring you closer to God??? Will you be ushered to the front of the line at the Pearly Gates and granted VIP access by St. Peter....does that come with bottle service or what?........


     I am in no way against religion in general, i believe in a God.in MY god...the one who i believe has looked out for myself and more importantly my family.  I believe that if you are happy with yourself when you go to bed at night....and you can say "i am a good person."...then God doesnt care if you give up chocolate for forty days.right?  i grew up fearing God, not loving him, which is very sad and no doubt influenced me to stray from catholicism.  It wasnt until recently that i began to realize that there are forces at work out there that are beyond us........but if youre gonna talk the talk...you should ALWAYS walk the walk. i found that most people are religious when it suits them. Be a good person to yourself, your family, your friends, even your enemies.......whether youre Catholic, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, etc... thats the best way to get into heaven or whatever. I dont think God is on his facebook page much so he probably doesnt see that "Mary Johnson: has given up candy for Lent.">>>> "comment"..."like"......"share"